It’s wintertime. The wind is blowing and a light rain has just started to drizzle. You can’t sleep because of the strong wind blowing and your toes just won’t get warm. You pull up the covers and return to the fetal position that once brought so much warmth and nourishment many years before. You hear your roommate fast asleep and you can feel the jealousy rising up deep within. The time is just past 11 pm; just a few hours past the normal time you head to sleep. Oh ya.. You’re jet-lagged too. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Are you thinking about how tired you are and how you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow? Are you angry that you stayed up later than usual because you wanted so desperately to make friends with people you just met a week before? Are you mad that the weather will not cooperate so you can sleep in peace tonight? Or are you thinking about the little boys and girls you met earlier that afternoon who are much worse off than you are now?
You see just hours before, the sun was shining and you were running around playing rugby, soccer, or a mixture of the two at times. You were laughing and the only thing on your mind was a pure sense of joy that comes from enjoying life for what it is, not what you don’t have or want to own. On the drive to the township, you had seen the shacks these kids lived in with their families. You had driven past miles and miles of shacks that weren’t built on cement, but on dirt turned mud because of the rain from the night before. And now as you lie in bed, your heart sinks as you picture your young friends huddled in a corner with their family trying to stay as warm and dry as possible. But my first thought wasn’t about all the things I had or these kids. I was angry.
For one second I was angry because of all the injustices that I seemed to face alone. The loud noises, the cold toes, and the late night. Praise the Lord these didn’t last long, but instead my anger turned to all the things I had failed to see as blessing. I had a blanket that kept the majority of my body warm. I had a water-proof roof that kept me dry; not to mention the sturdy concrete foundation my home rested upon. Tomorrow, I would also have a new set of dry clothes that had been washed, folded, and package for my convenience. And yet my initial response was pessimistic. Who was this ungrateful, selfish, boorish pig that I once believed was a humble, kind and loving person?
My trip to Port Elizabeth, South Africa started out a little rocky, but ended up being one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. Even though it has been close to three weeks since my team’s return, I am still working through re-adjusting to the culture and sifting through all the lessons, big and small, I experienced while abroad. The cool thing about a life-changing experience is that you will never fully realize all you learned for many years to come. I don’t speak from experience, but if the last three weeks are a small snippet of the unpacking process, I’d say a few decades would suffice.
One of the major things I learned was what does it truly mean to live a comfortable life. For the last 21 and a half years, I have rarely come to think of the numbers on a price tag as an impediment for something’s acquisition. This is not to say that I was given everything I wanted nor that I had very little on my wish lists; however, I knew that in time I had an opportunity to either receive what I desired or I simply outgrew that desire. I had been taught the value of frugality and of hard work and that used to be the extent of my knowledge.
But what I have since come to learn is the actual comfortable life is far from my upbringing. In fact, the many things that I don’t have could in fact provide a more comfortable life! Without a cell phone, I would not have the stress of returning texts or calls in a reasonable amount of time. Or with only a few pairs of clothes, I would not spend hours, ok minutes, trying to figure out what to wear for today. Or viewing time as nothing more than a unit to measure change rather than how much longer I must stay at one commitment before heading to another and yet another.
To be honest, I have no clue how to bring this post to a close in some logical and satisfying manner. I had considered writing a few more lessons that knocked me out of my comfort zone and into a state of contemplation, but who would want to all of read that. (If you do, perhaps I could send you the extended addition when it’s finished ha). So I will wrap it up with a few verses that although I did not have them in mind a few weeks ago, I certainly experienced what they mean in their entirety.
Psalm 51:10-15
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
so that sinners will turn back to you.
Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
and my mouth will declare your praise.
Everyday was a challenge as our team looked to share the Gospel with as many students as possible. We would begin by getting to know the students personally and hearing if they had a spiritual background of any kind. As expected, they would then turn the questions to us and ask what we believed.
On many days, this moment was filled with great anticipation and excitement. Amidst the doubts that we would have the right words to say, it was clear the Holy Spirit was speaking through us to those specific individuals. In total, our team of 17 had 228 spiritual conversations, 178 gospel presentations, and 24 people who accepted Christ!
But there were also those handful of days where the joy did not overflow and it seemed like we were working out of our own strength. These were the days when the words of David in Psalm 51 became our prayer. We needed and relied on the strength of the Holy Spirit to fill us with the joy that we could not muster ourselves. And he would be the one who would fill our mouths with the words to say. What an awesome thing to experience!
I will not tell you to go on summer project. I won’t even say that everyone will not have a full college experience without going at least once. But I will say I am so thankful for the decision I made to go this summer after my graduation. The things I learned through support raising to living in another country to living with 7 strangers just don’t happen every day, especially in your comfort zone and in America.
If you make the decision to go, you will be stretched beyond your limits and become very uncomfortable at times. You may be confronted with areas of your life that are not pretty and you will be forced to deal with them head on. Things may become so stressful that all you can do is cry. Yes, this happened. But God taught me so much about himself and more than ever, I am so grateful for the way he loves to use sinners like me to show his love to people around the world.
If you make the decision to go, you will be stretched beyond your limits and become very uncomfortable at times. You may be confronted with areas of your life that are not pretty and you will be forced to deal with them head on. Things may become so stressful that all you can do is cry. Yes, this happened. But God taught me so much about himself and more than ever, I am so grateful for the way he loves to use sinners like me to show his love to people around the world.
